Talking to themselves in their head?

I use italics when writing what a character is thinking as well.

Hi Emma.

I've given your piece a couple of read-throughs and sat and thought hard. For what it's worth, here are my thoughts (and I don't get many these days):-

Firstly; I really do like where this is going. Also, the change from memory to reality (or is it?) was undertaken pretty well.

Secondly; I should try to use fewer adjectives and other 'filling-in' words. At the beginning especially, it's a little too wordy. For example "I closed my eyes only to be confronted..." no need for only, and I should try to pull the sentence into a snappier opening line. Perhaps, "Even when I close my eyes, his face is still there - a photograph burned into my retina." Then there's "A suddeen chill". I think it's better to just say chill, certainly at this stage of the story. The story should give us the excitement, the fear, the trepidation. If you read a whole book like this, (and far too many get published) it becomes tiring, as the author is telling you what to feel instead of showing you through the story.

Finally; the same as above goes for double-nouns such as door handle. As Gracian said, 'A good thing when short, is twice as good.'

I would suggest keeping this version, copying it and in the copy, try removing all the possibly extraneous or unnecessary words, including the word 'then'. See which flows better. And try wrapping several words into one, such as "The image withdrew and there he was, sitting on the trunk of his car, under the protective halo of a streetlight."

These are just examples, to show a more economic use of words. But hey - what do I know? I'm not Stephen King.

Good luck and keep plugging away at it. Please let me know how it turns out.

Regards

PabloJ

Yeah I do, I write it in italics