This is the blurb for my story Crimson Wing;
Heidi Cole lived a quiet life in the middle of Ivy forest until the shape shifting Prince Ibis crash lands near her home. After saving his life Heidi sets out with him to help him escape a band of sky pirates known as Crimson Wings lead by the malevolent Captain Shani.
What do you all think?
Hi Antoinette,
I think that the blurb could be made even better if you make it sound more exciting. Purely from what you've written, you don't sound as though you're bowled over by the idea! As the idea itself sounds really interesting, perhaps you could make it a little more grabby. It's only two sentences, and not very dramatic. Maybe you could put a dash between 'forest' and 'until' as that might give the arrival of the Prince more impact. I know your story, obviously, so can't comment further - and the blurb is fine as it is - but I hope you can see where I'm coming from. (Also, you've said that Heidi 'lived' and then the Prince 'lands' - tense slip).
Hope I've been of some help. As I said, the blurb as it is works perfectly well anyway. Have you posted any of your story on this site? It sounds really interesting.
Thoughts* Sorry all it's late and I'm tried.