Trouble writing short stories

by Carmelita Dentlinger
24th June 2013

Hi there, I'm having trouble writing short stories. It always ends up like the 1st chapeter of a book or at least that's what everyone say. This is one I wrote, What do you think? Is it something that can be published in a family magazine? Help and advise please. Thank you,

Alone

Alex frowned as she looked at him, handcuffed to the only wooden chair she owned in her shabby one bedroom apartment on the fifth floor of a rundown building.

His dark eyes stared at her as if he was trying to scare her. Though she felt a tingle of fear for the handsome stranger it would take a lot more than a stare to break her. He was medium built and dressed in blue jeans, black boots and a blue and white striped shirt. His sleek black hair fell across his face as he bowed his head. His pale skin highlighted from the moonlight outside.

When Alex looked out the window earlier a cloud blocked half of the full moon. She took off her jacket. It rained earlier that evening but overall it was blazing hot. She was a slender girl with long brown curly hair and deep green eyes. She wore a red skinny jean, black ankle boots and a strapless black top with a zipper in front. Police sirens buzzed outside and she got up and looked through the window.

She was waiting on them as she called them when she came home and found the intruder in her shabby apartment. Why he chose this ghetto neighborhood and her apartment to break into was what she planned to find out.

She had nothing of value just the necessities to survive which included a single bed, chair, table and small fridge. All was left by the previous owner and was in dire condition. Her humble job as cleaner where she cleaned a law firm at night could only cater for her rent and food. Alex had been living that way for almost a year when woke up on the ground and had to come to terms on her own of what she was. She felt abandoned and lived an utter lonely life. Her ears were always glued to the radio stations desperately waiting on any news of extraordinary sightings, of someone else resembling her being. ‘What’s your name?’ she asked the stranger again. It was the third time she asked him the same question.

He grinned this time as he bit his bottom lip exposing his sharp canines. He noticed her looking and retracted his teeth. Alex’s heart skipped a beat as her suspicion was confirmed, he was a vampire. She have seen him before. It was almost as if he was stalking her. She came across him once when he was feeding on a neighborhood troublemaker, an old man. She was too afraid and kept on walking. She wasn’t going to face him since she was not sure of her own ability. It was the first time she came in contact with one but because of what she was, she wasn’t intending to run for her life. She composed her frown on her forehead hoping it would make her look fearless.

‘Will sunlight burn you?’

‘Will it burn you?’ he replied in his British accent. It was clear he would not answer any of her questions about him.

‘Why did you break in my apartment?’

he didn’t answer.

‘What were you looking for?’

Silence.

‘You know the police will be here any minute. They will lock you up for breaking and entering’

‘Enough to eat then’

he grinned.

‘How many of you are there?’

‘I don’t know. I haven’t seen anyone in a few years.‘

‘What do you want from me?’

‘I’ve been watching you for a few days now. You’re special. I could smell you from miles away’

she smiled shyly.

‘By now you know I am not a vampire’ he nodded. She hugged herself.

‘Of cause, I know now what you are. Not vampire and not human either’

Suddenly there was a knock her apartment door.

‘Police, open up’ a voice echoed from the other side. Then the vampire ripped the cuffs apart and she realized he could have done that the whole time. In a swift move he grasped her shoulders from behind and whispered in her ear.

‘You look just like your mother.’ He jumped out her window and landed gracefully on his feet. Two police officers broke down Alex’s apartment door and rushed inside pointing their guns around in the room.

‘Where is he?’ They asked her.

‘Gone.’ she replied.

They replaced their guns in the holsters around their waist and one officer took out a pen and notepad. ‘What happened?’ he asked and Alex knew this would take some time.

She would have to chase after the vampire later. She gave them as much false information as she could in order to protect him so they would not find him and afterwards felt guilty for wasting the police officers’ time. When they left Alex noticed the cloud had moved away and revealed the full moon. Her body ached. The transformation was always painful. She removed her clothes as her wolf form took place. Fully transformed she was as big a wolf as a hyena which made her ultimate scary. She leaped through the window and sniffing the air for his scent. When she found it she ran off in its direction. He stood against the wall of the alley like he was waiting for her. She used telepathy with him

‘How do you know my mother? Take me to her!’

‘She’s living in London with her clan’ ‘Clan?’ he nodded. ‘You’re clan, princess. I bargained a treaty between us species for the safe return of their princess-you’

she was so excited and jumped up and down a few times. Then she stopped when he wasn’t rejoicing with her ‘We have to leave now’

‘ I just need to go back and grab my stuff-‘

‘No, we can’t risk getting attacked by the slayers. They kill anything not human.’

Suddenly a dart flew in the air and Alex ran off. She was terrified. Then she turned around and noticed the vampire limping. He had been shot and was dragging his leg behind him.

Three men dressed in black clothing and black ski masks ran shortly behind him. They were closing in on him and on her. She debated whether to turn around for him. Her heart pounded in her chest. She didn’t know him she shouldn’t have to risk her life for his. Her own life was in danger yet she turned around and beckoned him to climb on her back. His weight was bearable and she ran over roof tops. She found herself dodging darts flying in the air over her head. They were fast and seemed almost mechanically engineered to chase after her. For every long jump she took they pulled out a gadget that hooked onto the next building and would slide across. Because she was a fast runner she was able to lose them quick enough by leaping over a huge stretch of buildings far apart.

Alex herself had just made the jump, her hind legs scraped off some of the lose bricks.

The limp vampire barley holding onto her fur, even if he wasn’t a wolf he was like her-different. She carried him up the floors to her apartment and laid him down on her bed. She resumed her human shape and dressed in the outfit she had on before. She was tired and never had so scared before in her life. Her heart was still pounding her chest. She felt depleted too and grabbed the piece of raw steak she found in the refrigerator. She ate and felt her energy coming back into her body. Besides from hiding her being to other people she now had new found enemies called slayers. They were fast and skilled. She now faced the fear of having to look over shoulder constantly. He sat up and looked around. ‘That knocks me out every time’ he exclaimed and was still holding onto his leg

‘What’s in the tranquilizer?’ she asked.

‘Something very strong’ he looked up at her

‘Thank you’

‘You’re welcome’ she replied. She seemed upset.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asked concerned.

‘What if they don’t like me?’ she uttered. ‘What if I’m not like them?’

he walked towards her. ‘Hey’ he tried to console her.

‘Look at us. So what if you don’t fit in with the other wolves, you fit in perfectly in my world.’

A huge smiled appeared on her face. She never thought anyone would understand how lonely she had been.

‘I don’t even know your name’

‘Damien’ he replied.

She packed a few clothes and took out money she had stashed in a hole under her mattress. She was thrilled about meeting other werewolves like her who might know her family. She couldn’t remember what happened before and became isolated from the world. Now she learned she wasn’t alone. Age old questions would be finally answered. She was taking the journey she dreamt of all her life with a vampire by her side. She was going home.

He took her hand and led her to her window.

‘Ready?’ he asked. She looked back at her apartment and knew she would not miss the lonely life she lived in it at all. Then she howled at the moon ignoring the neighbors’ moans to turn down the television. It was all they ever thought it was…

Replies

It is a 'bit' like an introduction to a book - but that is not necessarily a negative thing. My guess is that you have 'all these ideas' for story lines, plots and character, and are trying to put it all down in what looks like could be a really good longer piece of writing. It left me wanting to know more about Alex's history and of course 'what happened next'.

Try practising by using a a word or few words and writing a short story around it - for example: After Midnight, The Secret, The Glass Vase, or whatever you can come up with.

Honestly, this works for me. Good luck

Profile picture for user CatherineER1
Catherine
Roriston
230 points
Developing your craft
Film, Music, Theatre, TV and Radio
Short stories
Fiction
Crime, Mystery, Thriller
Adventure
Autobiography, Biography and Memoir
Middle Grade (Children's)
Picture Books (Children's)
Comic
Business, Management and Education
Historical
Romance
Catherine Roriston
24/06/2013