I've been asked to provide 500 words of my novel for a workshop. 500 words isn't very much, most pieces of action are longer than that, it takes a lot more than that to build tension or do really anything at all it seems. I searched and searched for something which could be be shown in its entirety or at least close to its entirety and I chose this:
Jenny gave Mike's plate a covetous look. 'So are you going to leave that then?'
'Christ, I was just taking a sip of my tea.' He plonked his mug back on the stained Formica table and held out his fork to fend off any advance towards his All Day Breakfast. 'You'll be stealing the clothes off my back next.'
She wrinkled her nose. 'Wouldn't suit me. It's just that if that was going to waste, it would be much better if you gave it to me now rather than later when it'll be too cold.'
'Would it now?'
'Yes, really.'
He impaled the sausage and bit off its end. 'But I thought you said that I had to build up my energy for act two?'
'Act three,' she paused to watch the waitress who was trying to squeeze through the gap between the tables, 'we've just had act two, or didn't you notice?'
'Sorry, how rude of me.'
'Yes it is and if you were any kind of gentleman you'd have offered that sausage to me as well.'
He bit off its other end and winked at her, 'And if you were any kind of lady...'
She stuck her tongue out at him.
On a triangular wooden shelf set high up in one of the corners of the café, a smeary old T.V was showing a news channel. From where Jenny was sitting it was difficult to see because the light from the flickering strip light overhead was reflecting off the screen. She leant over to see if she could see it better.
‘You’re itching to know aren't you?'
'Of course, wouldn't you be?'
The expression on his face went blank; as if a cloud had passed between him and the sun, blotting out any contour of emotion. 'Not really. In my job there are some things you need to forget and that was one of them.'
He shook his head as if to rouse himself and held up his mug. 'I need another one of these, do you want another coffee?'
She declined.
He ambled over to the back of the queue at the counter and she shuffled herself into the seat next to hers so she could watch the TV better. Mike returned shortly, brandishing another mug of builder’s tea and a handful of cellophane wrapped biscuits.
'I didn't know which ones you'd want so I got one of each.'
'You superstar, custard creams!' She scooped up the pack and tore it open with her teeth. 'I wish I hadn't said no to that coffee now, I’ve got nothing to dunk them in.'
'Don't worry I'll get you one.'
He started to get up but she reached over and rested her hand on his, 'No you won't, the queue's too long now and besides...'
'Besides what?'
'I thought you might let me use yours.'
Agree it is a good piece of writing. For me, you took an ordinary situation and used it to give an insight into the dynamics of the relationship between the two characters. "Besides I thought you might let me use yours." Perhaps you meant "have" but it made me smile regardless. Point made.
It's good writing, again, and there's that likeable hero again, and of course, a novel's got to have quiet sections. But if it's a case of choosing 500 words for workshop purposes, why not choose the 500 from a section you'd feel confident in showing an agent, and treat it as a test of that. So if it's good now, it's going to become great with or without the workshop. If choosing a quiet section, it can still be quiet but deep, quiet but loaded, and there's a hint of it in the thing he doesn't want to remember, but it's lost in all the to-ing and fro-ing. You can do it Phil, for sure.
Hi Phil
I suppose it is nearly impossible to take 500 words out of a complete novel and make it dance and sing.
My remarks where geared towards a complete piece of work. So excuse the "I want to be entertained" rant;D~
Good luck with your novel and I hope it is well received by the workshop.