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I.Status quo
Can`t breathe, can`t hear, can`t feel… My mind is somewhere else, that clarity you have in
chaotic times, the things u think when facing death, time stops …..
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Did I do the right choices ?
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Do I have regrets?
- What happens next ?
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Fuck it …..
My body slowly recover from that state, I light a cigarette , what happens happens …
I go outside , city was engulfed in chaos , coup d`etat was in progress . If they succeed or
not, i don`t care , but is something i must do before I flee this city . The whole squad is
dead, except the “Major” . I must find him . I must find out if he had anything to do
with what is happening . Something fishy is going on, too many coincidences ,unknown
facts, “how did they find us ?”, nobody supposed to know about us, and yet, we where
ambushed, like they knew our protocols . I`m walking careless towards his home , the
sound of firing guns doesn`t affect me anymore .
I`m here , his door is open ,I enter quietly , I can hear him, he`s agitated , he pack
some bags , he sees me , I can feel his fear in his eyes , that`s when I figured out the
the truth, he sold us and now he`s fleeing the county, but I`m not gonna let him
“Major” - This world is an illusion “son”, comunists ,capitalists, they are all the same,
different propaganda. Was over anyway, I just did what was best for me in
this circumstances .
He pull his gun and tries to kill me, he shoot me but he failes to finish me, i grab his
gun , in that moment he knew he`s gonna die , he surrender, start begging for his life,
that`s not gonna happen, people like him don`t deserve to live , waste of oxygen .
His dead body is lying on the floor, when I go through his bags I find his passport,some
money and a plane ticket to New York, U.S.
America, the land of all posibilities, or at least that`s what all keep saying, but for me , just a place
where i can be someone else .
some bla bla from my head... sorry for bad engligh(not my native language)
some constructive feedback would be nice, i allready know what will happen next, but is very hard to get that out from my mind
Thanks all for comments, ty paul and karen, I was 6 months in hospital, so didn't had time to continue with this story, hope i'll have more time in future . Thanks again !
Good going. Just continue with what you intend to give to the readers!
From what you have said at the end of this passage, I think you are saying this is the first draft. Your very first time of putting the words in your head onto the screen. First drafts are exactly that and I think you have been very courageous to share your passion for storytelling from the word go. Karen's comments sum it up, it needs work. Enjoy the hours of making it a readable story. I can't imagine what it is like to write in another language, I find it hard enough to write in my own native English, so I am impressed with your grasp of it.
Good luck with your efforts. Looking forward to seeing how you develop.
Regards Paul G