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I.Status quo
Can`t breathe, can`t hear, can`t feel… My mind is somewhere else, that clarity you have in
chaotic times, the things u think when facing death, time stops …..
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Did I do the right choices ?
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Do I have regrets?
- What happens next ?
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Fuck it …..
My body slowly recover from that state, I light a cigarette , what happens happens …
I go outside , city was engulfed in chaos , coup d`etat was in progress . If they succeed or
not, i don`t care , but is something i must do before I flee this city . The whole squad is
dead, except the “Major” . I must find him . I must find out if he had anything to do
with what is happening . Something fishy is going on, too many coincidences ,unknown
facts, “how did they find us ?”, nobody supposed to know about us, and yet, we where
ambushed, like they knew our protocols . I`m walking careless towards his home , the
sound of firing guns doesn`t affect me anymore .
I`m here , his door is open ,I enter quietly , I can hear him, he`s agitated , he pack
some bags , he sees me , I can feel his fear in his eyes , that`s when I figured out the
the truth, he sold us and now he`s fleeing the county, but I`m not gonna let him
“Major” - This world is an illusion “son”, comunists ,capitalists, they are all the same,
different propaganda. Was over anyway, I just did what was best for me in
this circumstances .
He pull his gun and tries to kill me, he shoot me but he failes to finish me, i grab his
gun , in that moment he knew he`s gonna die , he surrender, start begging for his life,
that`s not gonna happen, people like him don`t deserve to live , waste of oxygen .
His dead body is lying on the floor, when I go through his bags I find his passport,some
money and a plane ticket to New York, U.S.
America, the land of all posibilities, or at least that`s what all keep saying, but for me , just a place
where i can be someone else .
some bla bla from my head... sorry for bad engligh(not my native language)
some constructive feedback would be nice, i allready know what will happen next, but is very hard to get that out from my mind
This has the backbone of a good story but you put your reader through the mill trying to decipher it.
The layout/ grammar/ punctuation etc. needs to be sorted.
The conversation here is too confusing: “Major” - This world is an illusion “son”, comunists ,capitalists, they are all the same, different propaganda. Was over anyway, I just did what was best for me in this circumstances but you'd never know it.
Is it two people talking?
“Major!”
"This world is an illusion, son. Communists, capitalists, they are all the same, different propaganda. Was over anyway, I just did what was best for me in this circumstances but you'd never know it."
Tidy it up because too much clutter to the eye stops the story being absorbed.
K