I know the 'rules' ... and I like to break them *grin*, so I'm not looking for 'approval' as it were.
My question is how much would a sentence like this (below) disturb your reading experience, if at all?
"We’re the roadblock, obstacle, emotion and frustration that prevent us from taking the first step"
Thanks in advance
RP
Hi Jimmy
Thank you for your comments and yes, I break the rules because I like to live by my own rules. I do allow for readability though, which is why I asked the question. I like all the comments so far and have taken them into consideration. 'frustration' has now been removed from my blurb. However, I would write a sentence like this with no trouble at all:
'I walked along the path, roadway, pavement - or whatever you want to call it - and watched crowds passing by either side of me; feeling not unlike a central reservation might have felt.’
Fortunately for me, I'm not a fiction writer and unfortunately (finance wise) I write for a niche market.
I don’t see that a comma belonged after 'emotion'; it wouldn’t sound right to me and I never put commas before an 'and'.
“I caught a cold and the bus to Wimbledon” - I wouldn’t trip on the sentence.
Nope … no rule-breaking for kids book coming up.
And finally, yes, W&A don’t like accents in user names.
Thanks again,
RP
Hello, Renee! (Is this a pseudonym for Renée? Or can't the W&A web-site deal with accents in user names? My own user name put a capital "I" where it should be lower case.)
Your quote really upset my sense of grammatical correctness!
I didn't even notice the missing full stop.
What sent me rushing to bang my head against the wall was the missing COMMA (after "emotion").
A missing comma here signifies that you're classifying "emotion and frustration" as one unit. An example: "Several members volunteered to be responsible for entertainment, transport, food and drink, publicity, and fund-raising."
Aside from that (and the missing full stop), I'm fine with it. For once,I even disagree with Lorraine: I think that frustration CAN stop you from putting your head down and charging through a barrier that might well be torn out of the way... if your frustration didn't undermine your confidence in yourself.
How many would-be writers have given up the struggle because of frustration with agents who can't recognise the brilliance of their work?
I LIKE mixing concrete and abstract nouns (e.g. I caught a cold and the bus to Wimbledon).
I like EVEN MORE people who break the rules!
Lots of luck! If you ever decide to write a rule-breaking book for children, please let me know. Either via a private message here or via http://la-granota.com/
Hi Lorraine,
The full stop would be there ... I forgot to cut and paste it.
No, there's no dialogue in my book; it's non-fiction and metaphysical. Good point about 'frustration' ... it shall be removed.
Thank you for taking the time to provide your feedback.
RP