Hello all, not been on for a while, life eh, it gets in the way of living. So to my question. I have a character in the middle ages entering (making an entrance) a great hall. I have the phrase "With a steady measured stride and his raiment training in his wake he gave the impression he floated over the floor, unlike normal men whose needs must walk."
The first change suggested is from "training" to "forming a train in his wake he gave the impression (second change) of floating over the floor.
The third is the "whose needs must walk" I'm told not quite right phrase.
I am worried if I change too much of shall we say my voice I may be in danger of losing any originality. However, if you good and well read folk out there think I should change then I will go along with the majority vote. There is of course the possibility of an alternative suggestion from... well anyone. Please!
As always my thanks in advance.
Regards Paul
Hello Ruth, yes I know what you mean about that but I was trying to write something that may have been addressed that way in that time period (middle ages, oh how I wish I was in my middle ages still, hey ho and moving on)
I will be looking at that and to be honest I had rewritten that section shortly after getting answers from Lorraine. I was checking back a while ago and to my astonishment! (See in novel writing mode now) well to be honest the hour and half of tweaking and changing and talking aloud and I think getting it better if not quite right, all gone, all changes unsaved so my dear friends I begin again, just like Michael Finnigan.
Hopefully without the whiskers.
Paul
Hi Jeremy, well as you ask how abnormal men walk I tend to walk with a rolling gait, often referred to as "the back yard gait" looks as if it is about to collapse, as do I most of the time. I hope that helps.
Even though you are a wag... my regards Paul. x
Hi, Paul,
I find 'must needs' and/or 'needs must' rather clumsy. How about, simply, either
'where ordinary men might (or would) walk.'
Just a thought.
Ruth