This is the first page of something I'm currently working on. I am very passionate about this book as it expresses issues close to my heart. I would just like to know how it is coming across? Would you like to read more? All feedback is very welcome and would be greatly appreciated.
‘I said, grow a fucking spine, you fucking bitch!’ He shouted as he slapped my face. I sat on the edge of our bed crying, sobbing so much it was almost impossible to breathe. Through tear blurred vision I saw him raising his hand again I closed my eyes in anticipation and let out a childlike scream when I felt my brain shake hard against my skull.
The memory of this 30 second interruption in my life played over and over in my head, as if in slow motion and on repeat as I dug the razor blade deeper into my arm. ‘Grow a fucking spine, what the fuck was he talking about?’ I muttered to myself. As the blood rushed to the surface I felt a huge relief, like I had been drowning and had just taken my first big gulp of air. I let myself sit back against the cold bath side while I enjoyed the dizzying feelings of normality for a few minutes. Then I did as I always did, washed and dried my arm and the blade, put the blade back away in my makeup bag, then applied pressure to the wound to clot the bleeding and put my jumper back on.
My name is Amelia Rose and this is my story. I know that sounds cheesy, right? Everyone has a story, but I want to share mine so my life hasn’t been wasted. It is a story of life, abuse, self - harm and getting over the past. It is a warning to all out there who suffer as I did and reassurance that you are not alone. I will be watching over you when you need me....
Hi, I'm Ela and I'm new on this site!
I really enjoyed this passage - I felt it was very realistic and it definitely left me wanting to read on. I know some readers may shy away from such subject material as it's hard to read but personally I like being challenged with the realities of life and the way you've written it really flows.
I also like the protagonist's attitude, she's beaten in a way but still has spunk.
Hi Amanda, as others have said, it starts with a great impact! But I feel that the last paragraph that you have posted says far too much - you want to keep the reader guessing, but you've told the reader what the book is about - most importantly, that Amelia has "got over it". Maybe just say "This is my story,". The Reader has guessed that there is abuse and self harm, and wants to read to find out whether Amelia does get over it. Then, at the end of the book, when, presumably, Amelia has found her peace, the reader will feel relieved and satisfied, rather than just feeling that they have reached an inevitable conclusion. Does that make sense? It looks like this will be an emotional rollercoaster to write - good luck!
As you suggested Paul I have added more of this to the 'shared works' area, Please have a read if you fancy and let me know what you think.
Thanks.