This is the first page of something I'm currently working on. I am very passionate about this book as it expresses issues close to my heart. I would just like to know how it is coming across? Would you like to read more? All feedback is very welcome and would be greatly appreciated.
‘I said, grow a fucking spine, you fucking bitch!’ He shouted as he slapped my face. I sat on the edge of our bed crying, sobbing so much it was almost impossible to breathe. Through tear blurred vision I saw him raising his hand again I closed my eyes in anticipation and let out a childlike scream when I felt my brain shake hard against my skull.
The memory of this 30 second interruption in my life played over and over in my head, as if in slow motion and on repeat as I dug the razor blade deeper into my arm. ‘Grow a fucking spine, what the fuck was he talking about?’ I muttered to myself. As the blood rushed to the surface I felt a huge relief, like I had been drowning and had just taken my first big gulp of air. I let myself sit back against the cold bath side while I enjoyed the dizzying feelings of normality for a few minutes. Then I did as I always did, washed and dried my arm and the blade, put the blade back away in my makeup bag, then applied pressure to the wound to clot the bleeding and put my jumper back on.
My name is Amelia Rose and this is my story. I know that sounds cheesy, right? Everyone has a story, but I want to share mine so my life hasn’t been wasted. It is a story of life, abuse, self - harm and getting over the past. It is a warning to all out there who suffer as I did and reassurance that you are not alone. I will be watching over you when you need me....
Thank you Paul, I wanted to really express how the actions of other can very seriously alter another person's life / mind state even long after the events have past. I'm so glad you like it! :) Will do my best to keep plodding on with this one!
Keep an eye out for further developments of this story on the 'shared works' area as soon as I have any more to share, not got much at the moment!
Thank you for your encouragement though!
Thank you Neeraj, I'm not very good with the pc settings so will have to have someone come and set up my page layout! haha I guess my target age group would be 17+ given the content and the somewhat graphic details of violence and abuse yet to come.
Thanks for your encouragement! I hope it will keep me tapping away at my keyboard!
I like the way you start the piece in the middle of an important action point. Also, the way you describe the self-harm; by telling us about the blood rising to the surface and then going on to describe the relief and finally a description of what Amelia has done.
I like it and think you have nailed the opening paragraph quite well.
If you have more, please post it on the 'Shared Works' area. That way we can get a better feel for how it develops. Bit hard to say really with just one paragraph.
Please keep on doing, and good luck.
Cheers
PabloJ