Pilgrim, Chapter 3 edit.

There are parts of this that I feel are clunky. The description in the first part of the chapter is a real sticking point for me, as is the abruptness of the end. Please let me know what you think :)

03 Pilgrim

Fifty miles was not far enough but fifty would have to do. The car overheated; the dust got inside the air intake. I salvaged what I could and went on foot. Deep under the ashen ground was a road. These paths once lead somewhere in this barren place and I had to believe that still held true. To danger or to salvation I did not care as long as I was moving.

As the temperatures plummeted and the light faded I dug myself a shallow grave in between two boulders. Then, burying myself under my camouflaged covers I sealed myself in with dirt. Nights exposed were the worst. I shivered and fretted; keeping one eye open. The silence stretched into infinity. The land around me glowed silver from the luminescence of a billion stars. In the moments when I dared to take my eyes from earth I cursed their clarity.

I fell into a restless sleep. When the morning heat burned I awoke with the realisation that the silence had been broken by a cowbell. The emaciated bovine stood ten paces away, hoofing with futility at the ground. It had not seen me in my den. Somebody was singing close by. Childs feat crossed my vision. I stayed as still as the dead.

They moved away from my line of sight. Once they had gone I clawed my way from my tomb and began to follow their tracks. They led me across dust filled farmland then off away into the rocky hills. I could see them in front of me; they did not turn round. That I did not know what danger I was walking towards was a fact I allowed. The child was alive, the cow was too; that meant something. People eaters were bloated and they did not keep cattle; at least, none that I had come across did. The child began to climb and later I did too. I lost sight of them but the cowbells chimes told me what I needed to know.

The midday sun was hot enough to cook an egg by the time the child stopped. I climbed up the rocks to a vantage point and edged from my hiding place to look down on their progress. Below were ruins. A low brick and mud dwelling with a broken roof and outbuildings enough to house three families. I could not see the cow; the tolling of it’s bell had grown silent. The ruins were empty. The hair on my neck bristled. I looked around at the hills. Had I walked into a trap? I drew my knife and backed away from the edge of my hiding place. I had been stupid to follow. As I turned to head back down the hill a shadow flickered and the butt of a gun sailed towards my face. I had been caught.

There was a chattering tapping to my left. The scent of wood smoke in my nostrils. my open eyes saw nothing and my head throbbed. I collected my thoughts; my name; my history. I pushed myself into a sitting position; my hands were tied in front of me. As I shifted the sack over my face fell. Light, so blinding, burned my eyes. I closed them tight again. The chattering tapping grew louder; the smells of smoke grew stronger.

‘Water,’ I choked. I was parched. my mouth felt like a dryer landscape than the one my body inhabited. Nobody came. The chattering turned into scratching. My eyes were adjusting and I saw a chicken by my foot.

The beautiful creature stopped its business and raised its head, turning its beady eye towards me. We regarded each other as dying breeds do; with forlorn curiosity. I started to laugh. It had been years since I had seen a prey animal, now I saw two in a day. I almost believed I had died and been given a second chance. Perhaps I was wrong to think the whole world was the wasteland I inhabited. The chicken ruffled its feathers and let out an indignant ‘bwark.’ My laughter turned to coughs as my throat stuck together.

‘You mad?’

I squinted up at the voice, the child. No, not the child, a girl, older.

‘What you got to laugh about anyhow?’

I opened my mouth and showed her my blistered tongue, ‘Water,’ I rasped.

She scratched her head and looked back over her shoulder.

‘Please.’

‘why?’

I didn’t know what to say to that, I had no words to justify my own existence.

‘what’ll you give me huh?’ She came into the hut and squatted down out of my reach. ‘You gunna eat me? Mamma B says they eat kids slow, gotta watch out.’

‘I’m not...’ my voice stuck and I started to cough again. The girl stood up and kicked some dirt at me; the chicken spooked and flapped ingloriously up into the rafters. I heard the girl run from the barn whilst I was watching the bird settle.

The hours crept by; nobody else came. I slept because there was little else to do. The bindings on my wrists were too tight and started to bleed if I moved. I sated my thirst from drinking my own blood; It did not help. The heat climbed so high I began to hallucinate. I saw shadows that I thought were people. Things crawled and moved and took on new meanings. I saw my road and I saw all those who had traveled along it before me. Then the heat began to leave the world and I drifted into true sleep.

‘Who are you?’

The words cut through me like a sword. My eyes shot open and I rolled away from the noise. Twilight showed the speaker to be a middle-aged man; his voice both deep and nasal.

‘Not a threat. Need water.’

He spat on the floor. Chewing tobacco was something I would never get used to. ‘Thought I damaged you; hit you hard.’

I said nothing.

‘Why did you follow my boy?’

‘Cows need water.’

‘Ain’t nothing free in god's great kingdom,’ he spat on the floor again.

‘You’re religious?’ I asked, hoping to find any edge I could.

‘This life is divine proof of god’s great reckoning,’ he lifted his head to the ceiling; his hands opened out as if he had been crucified. I noted the cross on his necklace and the self-made branding of the trinity on his arm. I had seen tribes of religious nuts, some were good, some were terrifying, all of them made me nervous.

‘Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. for thou are with ME; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.’

Again I had no words. He took a multi-purpose knife from his pocket and flicked the blade open. In two steps he was on me. I did not shy away. I would not give him the satisfaction. The knife sliced through my shackles. He stood back.

‘I will give you the benefit of the doubt pilgrim, for now. Follow me.’

I tried to stand but my legs had ceased up from being on the hard floor for so long. He put an arm around my back and helped me to stand. Once I was upright I was able to remain standing. He led me from the barn to the ruined house. Inside, the whole community of this small place sheltered. My eyes were drawn to a woman in the corner of the room giving birth.

I was ushered into a separate room where a white haired monarch sat shrouded in patchwork blankets. Something stirred from the depths and the heads of three puppies looked out at me. I could smell wine; her lips were stained red. ‘Pilgrim,’ she said, giving me the same look that the chicken had done earlier. ‘I don’t know whether to welcome you or kill you.’

‘Most would not even consider that a question,’ I told her.

‘The world is full of demons,’ she pulled her covers around her and scratched behind one of the puppies ears. ‘well? who sent you?’

‘What?’

‘God or the Devil?’

‘I’m just a pilgrim. I only want to pass on through unmolested.’

‘You had the chance to stick to the road, pilgrim.’

‘I haven't seen a cow since it began, I figured where it came from was good.’

She watched me, judged me, but said nothing. I swallowed and began to choke again when my throat stuck. She unfolded a hand and pointed behind me. I turned and saw a shopping trolley with a bottle of water on top. I would not be fooled; I shook my head.

‘No?’

‘I’m not taking without giving you something back. we have to be even.’

‘We’ve seen your bags, you have nothing for us.’

‘I’m a doctor.’

She looked down her nose at me. ‘Doctor, fancy notion, didn’t need one before don’t now.’

‘You have a woman in labour in the next room.’

She nodded, her face changed from cold hard granite to sandstone. ‘You help her and we’ll see you propper. She dies you die.’

‘what if the child is a stillbirth?’

‘Then the child is with god already and a good thing too.’

‘The mother may not survive.’

‘Then you won’t be leaving.’