Sweat dripping off her palm, Emily takes a deep breath. Pushing with all her might, the wardrobe eases across the carpeted floor; stopping in front of the the bedroom door. She hears thumps reverberate through her modest cottage. She bites her lower lip and begs herself to remain silent. As of yet he does not know her exact location. One sound, one tiny movement and it's game over.
Her name bounces from wall to wall as he screams and smashes his way towards her. Footsteps get louder. Closer. Until they stop. Just a single frame of wood away from her cowering figure.
---------------------
"How on earth did you get that?" Rosie asks, nodding at Emily's neck.
She watches as her sister blushes whilst adjusting her scarf. Spying a new perfume, Emily simply shrugs and pulls her sister towards the fragrance department; desperate from a change in conversational direction. Removing the lid she inhales the scent. Floral. Not her thing. Pulling a face Emily hands the bottle to her sister, who was evidently not willing to allow the conversation to die. Arms folded across her chest and an eyebrow raised Rosie waits.
"I walked into the bedroom door this morning"
Slamming the bottle onto the nearest shelf, Rosie spins her sister to face her; older sister instinct kicking into full capacity.
"Don't give me that bullshit. I know you too well. It was that asshole wasn't it" her face softens slightly, "I can't help you if you shut me out all the time Em"
Pulling out of Rosie's grasp, Emily tenses. How dare she? What did she know? He doesn't mean to hurt me, I make him angry. Angry people can't control what they do.
"You don't know him like I do. If you did you would understand"
"And if you were in my shoes you would be having the same reaction! If you don't do something about this Emily Louise Brown then I will!"
Hello Jedidah
This is only the beginning of a piece but if it is leaving people confused, I shall add something as a middle piece between the two paragraphs and see if that helps. Thank you for your feedback. It is highly appreciated.
Kind regards,
Victoria
Like Robin, I just had to come see some of your work after the last question you asked.
I missed the connection between the two parts. You could probably give more of the first scene before jumping to the next. The second scene can be saved for a little later when the reader has been fully immersed in the action.
Hello all,
Thank you so much for the feedback, I will make these amendments in due time :) I'm glad this piece is being found to have the desired tension and atmosphere I wanted!
Have a wonderful day,
Victoria