Just give it to me straight..... Would you send this out to an agent ?
Dear (Name)
I am seeking representation for a children’s fiction book entitled Jacob Jones & the order of seven: Chosen to save the modern world he is yet to learn about. The manuscript consists of 74,000 words. Full edit by author Jamie Richards. I am an animal behaviourist with a degree in psychology.
It's an ordinary Friday afternoon at the end of an ordinary school day when Jacob Jones travels home on the school bus with his good friend Ethan and his best friend Erica both of whom seem to be more excited about the forthcoming 'special' weekend than he is.
Campion Hills, where they all live is a quiet, charming village where nothing much changes except the weather and nothing much bothers them apart from the strange old lady at number 1 who watches them arrive back from school every day from her first floor bedroom window.
At home, Jacob has two loving parents and one highly irritating older sister, Lilly. He settles down in his very tidy room and considers new ways of irritating Lilly. He also contemplates the impending arrival of a day he has been doing his best not to get too excited about, his twelfth birthday. What he doesn't know is that the arrival of this important anniversary has also been carefully anticipated by people he has never even met. His young life is already in danger.
The day before his birthday Jacob notices some odd and unusual things: Animals are behaving strangely, the weather is gradually turning moodier and for some unexplained reason all the mirrors in his and in Erica's house have disappeared.
In the very early hours of Jacob's birthday, the evil begins. Ethan is found murdered in the street and the old lady is somehow involved. She reveals herself to the Jones' family and reminds Jacob's parents of the reason for this turmoil and the danger they are now all in. Jacob still doesn't know it but these circumstances will change his life forever and throw him, his family and his friends into a tumbling drum of tragedy, adversity and adventure. It will set into motion a succession of events that will affect not only his world but another; adjacent, world that as yet he knows nothing about.
The old lady escapes them through a mirror in her home to a safe house where explanations begin. Jacob learns that not only are his parents in denial of their former participation in the other world but also that the old lady is far stranger and far more powerful than he could ever have anticipated. He also discovers that he is one of the chosen 'Seven' and that he possesses a special power he has yet to detect. The old lady reveals it is now imperative that he travels to this other world.
On a train full of lost souls where only children can survive Jacob, Erica and Lilly begin their journey to the other world. They face obstacles and danger before locating a castle community protected by high walls and strange, undiscovered creatures. Inside they encounter an almost magical world of contradictions and differences. For all its magic, however Jacob discovers this is a vulnerable world, a world that has been waiting for him to arrive, a world that looks to him for its very survival.
The leader, Malakiah, explains Jacob's quest to him. He must return to his world and find the hidden Book of Order. The book that lists the identities of the other six who have been chosen to govern their world for the next seven years and whose lives are all now in danger. Malakiah explains that this will be no magical mystery tour; this will be a dangerous and secret journey where they will come up against the existing rogue order who for 21 years have refused to relinquish their power. A power that they will do anything to protect. Can Jacob succeed where all others have failed?
I started writing as a press officer for an art gallery in 2010. My first press release was for the Beetles' photographer Bill Zygmant. I held the post for one year before moving on to concentrate on my own business as a psychologist. I currently write reports to submit to my clients for court cases pending in my day-to-day employment.
Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Damien Isaak
Again we come to the "Tell me the truth, be honest"
And, as it has been well known for thousands of years
Telling the truth to women or Artists after such a sentence is dicing with death. The slush pile grows daily because of this fear.
The fact is Newbie writers do not want to hear the truth.
In the style of Tom cruise you cannot handle the truth
What we are looking for is confirmation or at best a direction.
Which is not the same as the truth.
Dave is unusual in shooting from the hip. I have never seen it done on this website before (for the very short time I have been on it)
Jonathan is the more typical type of answer. He could say a lot more but does not out of respect for the fact that we all have to start somewhere.
Dave on the other hand is blowing convention out of the water answering your very question and gets the exact sort of reply most touchy sensitive writers will give.
Very defensive very humorously upset. Can you tell me where you live so I can come down and blow your bloody brains out HO! HO!HO!
And usually followed by "Well I am not going to change anything as I wrote it and they bloody well better like it or else."
If you want direction listen to Jonathan and Adrian and there are a few other Women/Girls who give excellent advice on this site but do not ask for truth or honesty or you will get Dave telling it like it really is.
And really the English psychic cannot not handle the direct truth.
Which is why we hate Americans as the complain over bad food and service in restaurants where we just slink away and bitch 2 or 3 days afterwards to our friends.
We do need the Dave viewpoint on this website as much as we need Jonathan and Adrian.
As for all the people who tell you that your book will be a fantastic success I would suggest you get them to pre-order 10 signed copies
paid via Pay-Pal. The market will determine the success or failure of your book nothing else.
We all start out as Derby potential horses expecting that big day at Epsom but most of us end as Tesco Value Beef Lasagne.
As ever I have to say its just my opinion and no horses where
in any way endangered in this beef.
Nearly forgot to provide an example... "Jacob's quest" is pithy. "Seeking order"? Jacob's orders" - sounds like he's becoming a priest - but that might be appropriate?
What are the key points on which the story turns - especially action points - would they give you a short, sharp and attractive title?
Terry Pratchett has a stand-alone book called "Only You Can Save Mankind"... so that one's been used up :-(
Whatever you call it now an agent or publisher might come up with another name...
David
Doh! "Pet hate" was so much more fun... :-)
I think that the essential difference is that the example you quote is a historical work - apparently with some analysis. This would need to demonastrate that the author has an appropriate background and knows what he is talking about.
"Selling" fiction, possibly especially children's fiction, is surely a very different thing.
The later part of your letter is probably great as a synopsis as Jonathan Hopkins said. You might well retrieve it from the bin for that purpose.
I think that when selling children's fiction a degree in psychology might scare people away. Perhaps the knowledge of animal bahaviour would be useful for book signings? Neither qualification immediately springs to mind when wondering what would make any author seem to be a good prospect for selling children's books though. Perhaps if you were a vicar with children and a love of trains?
Okay, I may be a butcher but you need to hook an agent's attention - and then not just keep it but develop it. What are key points about you that will attract attention? There might then be a bridge - you have taken the trouble to get the work fully edited. (Surely that is really encouraging - you have that much confidence in it and an agent won't need to bother about that stage. Then you just need key points about the book.
Key points about the book: It's a quest. Something is unusual about the characters and / or the quest. There is an intersting resolution. That's all. Perhaps there is a humourous element - understated at this stage.
More detail goes into the synopsis.
David