Just give it to me straight..... Would you send this out to an agent ?
Dear (Name)
I am seeking representation for a children’s fiction book entitled Jacob Jones & the order of seven: Chosen to save the modern world he is yet to learn about. The manuscript consists of 74,000 words. Full edit by author Jamie Richards. I am an animal behaviourist with a degree in psychology.
It's an ordinary Friday afternoon at the end of an ordinary school day when Jacob Jones travels home on the school bus with his good friend Ethan and his best friend Erica both of whom seem to be more excited about the forthcoming 'special' weekend than he is.
Campion Hills, where they all live is a quiet, charming village where nothing much changes except the weather and nothing much bothers them apart from the strange old lady at number 1 who watches them arrive back from school every day from her first floor bedroom window.
At home, Jacob has two loving parents and one highly irritating older sister, Lilly. He settles down in his very tidy room and considers new ways of irritating Lilly. He also contemplates the impending arrival of a day he has been doing his best not to get too excited about, his twelfth birthday. What he doesn't know is that the arrival of this important anniversary has also been carefully anticipated by people he has never even met. His young life is already in danger.
The day before his birthday Jacob notices some odd and unusual things: Animals are behaving strangely, the weather is gradually turning moodier and for some unexplained reason all the mirrors in his and in Erica's house have disappeared.
In the very early hours of Jacob's birthday, the evil begins. Ethan is found murdered in the street and the old lady is somehow involved. She reveals herself to the Jones' family and reminds Jacob's parents of the reason for this turmoil and the danger they are now all in. Jacob still doesn't know it but these circumstances will change his life forever and throw him, his family and his friends into a tumbling drum of tragedy, adversity and adventure. It will set into motion a succession of events that will affect not only his world but another; adjacent, world that as yet he knows nothing about.
The old lady escapes them through a mirror in her home to a safe house where explanations begin. Jacob learns that not only are his parents in denial of their former participation in the other world but also that the old lady is far stranger and far more powerful than he could ever have anticipated. He also discovers that he is one of the chosen 'Seven' and that he possesses a special power he has yet to detect. The old lady reveals it is now imperative that he travels to this other world.
On a train full of lost souls where only children can survive Jacob, Erica and Lilly begin their journey to the other world. They face obstacles and danger before locating a castle community protected by high walls and strange, undiscovered creatures. Inside they encounter an almost magical world of contradictions and differences. For all its magic, however Jacob discovers this is a vulnerable world, a world that has been waiting for him to arrive, a world that looks to him for its very survival.
The leader, Malakiah, explains Jacob's quest to him. He must return to his world and find the hidden Book of Order. The book that lists the identities of the other six who have been chosen to govern their world for the next seven years and whose lives are all now in danger. Malakiah explains that this will be no magical mystery tour; this will be a dangerous and secret journey where they will come up against the existing rogue order who for 21 years have refused to relinquish their power. A power that they will do anything to protect. Can Jacob succeed where all others have failed?
I started writing as a press officer for an art gallery in 2010. My first press release was for the Beetles' photographer Bill Zygmant. I held the post for one year before moving on to concentrate on my own business as a psychologist. I currently write reports to submit to my clients for court cases pending in my day-to-day employment.
Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Damien Isaak
Ops pet hate sorry David the butcher for the typo in your name..
Thanks once more for the good advice.
Call a paramedic I've just been beaten to death.
This is what I love about this site. I see what you are saying David and I have put the lot in the bin along with myself lol
The name dropping you refer to Jamie Richards is my editor and a dam good one at that why not add his name ?
You can't stand the title: Your the first to say that and I respect your opinion on that but it will be staying.
some good points that I will take on board Thank you Davie the butcher lol
Damien the corpse.......
Let me put it this way...
While I am not a contender for the job... If I were and I received this letter - it would go straight on the "no" pile after the first paragraph.
This paragraph (in my opinion) tells me all I need to know - and more... much more.
You are seeking represntation - that's fine. I think that you might add a not too eager reason why you would like "name" to do it. Have you been refered to him (In which case you might say by whom - this would be preferable to the name dropping you do use).
A very subjective dislike - I can't stand the title: it has been worn through over decades.
I'm not going to do any more butchery of this paragraph here: it would be unreasonable.
I think, however, that you have told him/her what it is about (on which he/she will proabably make a very instant decision with regard to the market place. Then you go on to tell pretty much the whole story in a number of paragraphs.
Okay, "name" will know what the story is about - but have you told him what the "zing" is in it - or better still - told her what zing will grab the readers - and tell them to tell their friends to get their own copy? What is different/special about your book?
Finally. I did a word count check... I was actually surprised that it was less than 1,000 words. To me it read longer. (Very subjective again). I would really recommend trying to create such a letter to fit very strictly within one page.
I would also use the footer to announce the page when it is laying in a pile - that is - I would put you title and pen name in the footer in a very clear (but not large) way. This cheats the pile - it sticks out and catches the eye.
Hope this is helpful
David