Cover letter. Go for it.. Tell me good or bad

by damien Isaak
22nd February 2013

Just give it to me straight..... Would you send this out to an agent ?

Dear (Name)

I am seeking representation for a children’s fiction book entitled Jacob Jones & the order of seven: Chosen to save the modern world he is yet to learn about. The manuscript consists of 74,000 words. Full edit by author Jamie Richards. I am an animal behaviourist with a degree in psychology.

It's an ordinary Friday afternoon at the end of an ordinary school day when Jacob Jones travels home on the school bus with his good friend Ethan and his best friend Erica both of whom seem to be more excited about the forthcoming 'special' weekend than he is.

Campion Hills, where they all live is a quiet, charming village where nothing much changes except the weather and nothing much bothers them apart from the strange old lady at number 1 who watches them arrive back from school every day from her first floor bedroom window.

At home, Jacob has two loving parents and one highly irritating older sister, Lilly. He settles down in his very tidy room and considers new ways of irritating Lilly. He also contemplates the impending arrival of a day he has been doing his best not to get too excited about, his twelfth birthday. What he doesn't know is that the arrival of this important anniversary has also been carefully anticipated by people he has never even met. His young life is already in danger.

The day before his birthday Jacob notices some odd and unusual things: Animals are behaving strangely, the weather is gradually turning moodier and for some unexplained reason all the mirrors in his and in Erica's house have disappeared.

In the very early hours of Jacob's birthday, the evil begins. Ethan is found murdered in the street and the old lady is somehow involved. She reveals herself to the Jones' family and reminds Jacob's parents of the reason for this turmoil and the danger they are now all in. Jacob still doesn't know it but these circumstances will change his life forever and throw him, his family and his friends into a tumbling drum of tragedy, adversity and adventure. It will set into motion a succession of events that will affect not only his world but another; adjacent, world that as yet he knows nothing about.

The old lady escapes them through a mirror in her home to a safe house where explanations begin. Jacob learns that not only are his parents in denial of their former participation in the other world but also that the old lady is far stranger and far more powerful than he could ever have anticipated. He also discovers that he is one of the chosen 'Seven' and that he possesses a special power he has yet to detect. The old lady reveals it is now imperative that he travels to this other world.

On a train full of lost souls where only children can survive Jacob, Erica and Lilly begin their journey to the other world. They face obstacles and danger before locating a castle community protected by high walls and strange, undiscovered creatures. Inside they encounter an almost magical world of contradictions and differences. For all its magic, however Jacob discovers this is a vulnerable world, a world that has been waiting for him to arrive, a world that looks to him for its very survival.

The leader, Malakiah, explains Jacob's quest to him. He must return to his world and find the hidden Book of Order. The book that lists the identities of the other six who have been chosen to govern their world for the next seven years and whose lives are all now in danger. Malakiah explains that this will be no magical mystery tour; this will be a dangerous and secret journey where they will come up against the existing rogue order who for 21 years have refused to relinquish their power. A power that they will do anything to protect. Can Jacob succeed where all others have failed?

I started writing as a press officer for an art gallery in 2010. My first press release was for the Beetles' photographer Bill Zygmant. I held the post for one year before moving on to concentrate on my own business as a psychologist. I currently write reports to submit to my clients for court cases pending in my day-to-day employment.

Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Damien Isaak

Replies

Hi Damien, you might find the interview with Stephanie Thwaites of Curtis Brown at Loutreleaven.wordpress.com about what she looks for in submissions quite useful. This is a great blog site in general with lots of info and advice for writers so hope it helps.

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Elizabeth
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Elizabeth Frattaroli
22/02/2013

Hi Damian.

I would start my covering letter like this.

1) I have completed a novel of about 74,000 words.

2) Its central concept is:

3) The genre is:

4) It is for readers of X-years and upwards.

5) The story, in outline, is: ( bullet-points/short sentences linking the main events in your story, from the beginning, middle and conclusion.

6) I enclose the first three chapters, in which . . .

7) Then mention some details about yourself.

8) Why you chose them to act as your agent

Best Regards.

Mr Damien Issaak.

Do not worry about having similarities in your synopsis and covering letter. You will have to mention certain aspects in both.

I hope that helps.

Good Luck.

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Adrian
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Adrian Sroka
22/02/2013

"Oops pet hate sorry David the butcher"

I've achieved pet hate status! ;-)

If you are going to this agent because Jamie Richards recommended him/her to you then by all means include his name. It will be a real boost to your chances. If not there is a question whether the agent will have heard of him. Even if he/she has heard of him - how do you know that he/she doesn't loath Jamie Richard's work? This is the risk.

I did say that my view of the title is very subjective... From a practical point of view though wouldn't it be better to at least look for a distinctive title that will stand out - and make the book all yours? It is yours, so do gleefully ignore my bias - but - to me (subjectively) anything with "xxx and the" or "chamber/order of xxx" sounds like it is somewhere between Enid Blyton and J K Rawling... This might be fine of course. It might get you an instant fan base... Or...

Do please hoist yourself out of the WPB. :-)

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David
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David Foster
22/02/2013