The first sentance of a book is the most important. Well recently I was horrified to learn that mine was 'clunky'. Does anyone have any ideas on how to (pardon the phrase) 'declunkify' my work? I want to make sure my first sentance flows, its something I've always had trouble with? Can anyone give me any pointers?
They just said clunky? You know nicer people than me! My first sentence got redpenned and ripped to shreads by my first readers.
You should just try stripping it back to the basis of information in the sentence. Even remove characters from it so it is just a statement that can then be quantified with the rest of the paragraph.
For instance, my first sentence is
It was a single truth in a week full of lies.
Honestly, you wouldn't believe how long my original first sentence was. For some reason I had tried to include both characters involved in the conversation, their height, whether they were sitting or standing, how angry or upset or afraid they were... it was a mess! If your sentence is clunky, the first thing I would look at is how long it is. Have you lost the message of the sentence in characters, feelings or pointless descriptions? Is your sentence devoid of message and entirely made up of characters, feelings or pointless descriptions?! For me, the message was there, but was buried in a large amount of scene setting.
However, don't let that put you off a long starting sentence if that's what's required. Both John Boyne's Boy with the Striped Pyjamas and Ian Mcewan's Atonement start with sentences that would give Virginia Woolf a run for her money and neither of them suffered for it. I really liked the idea of starting with a long sentence which is why I clung on to mine for so long. In my case, though, less was definitely more.
Hah - Ballard broke a 'rule'. Eliminate backstory, the experts say, and it looks like here's a novelful of it!
Just goes to show 'rules' are daft.
In my opinion, the first sentence, first paragraph, first chapter should place you directly into the full flow of the story. You want to create a sense of movement. It should be something that will make the reader know you are going to take them on a journey. It should get them asking questions. Don't waste time describing your surroundings, the sunset, the room they are in. Make it something that has an impact.
My personal favourite is in J G Ballard's High Rise:
'Later, as he sat on the balcony eating the dog, Dr. Robert Laing reflected on the unusual events that had taken place within this huge apartment building during the previous months.'
Why don’t you see if you can you can better that!
Phil.