Adrian posted a question about first chapters, but what about opening sentences? Anyone brave enough to post theirs for comparison?
Since I'm asking, I'll take the early flak.
From Walls of Jericho - 'Louis-Henri Loison could not die.'
From Leopardkill - '"Another dead 'un over here!"'
From Dog Watch (WIP) - '"It is vital, major, this letter be delivered."'
From Hand of the Baptist (WIP) - 'Staring intently towards Valetta's distant guardian wall, General Napoleon Bonaparte leaned against L'Orient's rail, his grip alternately tense then relaxed as the French flagship dipped and rose on a gentle Mediterranean swell.'
The last one's too long, but that's early days yet ;)
“We’re lost,” grumbled Jack as he pushed aside yet another branch on the narrow coastal footpath. “I told you, Hugh, we should have taken the left fork back there.”
“Don’t blame me,” snapped Hugh, stumbling over the uneven ground beneath their feet. “You’re the one who wanted to come out here. You’re the one who was horny.”
He winced slightly as he moved. His bottom ached. They walked blindly through the night in silence, listening to the waves crashing against the rocks fifty feet below them.
Jack cursed under his breath as he stumbled into yet another low branch and his left hand brushed the nettles that were faintly visible in the gloom. He rubbed his hand as the pain began to throb.
Why had he bothered? Just why? Why, at eleven at night, had he decided that a secluded coastal chine would be a good meeting place? The only way in and out was this wretched path. A few steps to the right and they’d be off the edge and down the cliff to the solid rocks below.
Hi Melanie,
Gee what a bummer.Technology gets the better of us all sometimes it's true. I know I'm forever hitting send on things only to realise I've got a host of typos that I didn't catch. Still for an hour's worth of comment to be deleted. Ouch!
Don't know what the solution is. Probably none. Human error and all that.
Thanks for taking the time to think about what I wrote and to set down such detailed comments. That's really touched me. Comes at just the right time to hear something like this.
My story is set in Lapland and the characters are Sami where animism is part of the culture. So yes the tree and the landscape in my tale possess spirit and can be viewed as characters to some extent. So pleased this came through in the prologue.
I have just spent one hour writing a really long response to your comments and prologue - I then gave you a thumbs up for your comments (above) BEFORE I pressed POST - and of course the whole lot disappeared!!! SO ANGRY with myself!!! So now I begin again - only I'm getting tired now, so it'll be shorter! This must have happened to other people - I wonder if admin can do something to prevent it? I'm not good with technology, so I don't have any suggestions.
You're far from dumb!! Tired maybe... writing can be tiring, difficult and stressful at times. So it's not surprising that motivation levels fluctuate from time to time. But as you say, there's the joy too...and that keeps us going.
Love the way you draw the reader in from the start - those intriguing first lines. There's an obsessive quality here which I like, an idiosyncratic voice. There's a poignancy, a nostalgia - and the tree is of course a character; one I sympathised with and one I wanted to know more about. The anthropomorphism in this piece works so well.
Keep going Jennifer - you have talent. REALLY.
Sorry this is truncated...