First sentences

by Jonathan Hopkins
20th March 2013

Adrian posted a question about first chapters, but what about opening sentences? Anyone brave enough to post theirs for comparison?

Since I'm asking, I'll take the early flak.

From Walls of Jericho - 'Louis-Henri Loison could not die.'

From Leopardkill - '"Another dead 'un over here!"'

From Dog Watch (WIP) - '"It is vital, major, this letter be delivered."'

From Hand of the Baptist (WIP) - 'Staring intently towards Valetta's distant guardian wall, General Napoleon Bonaparte leaned against L'Orient's rail, his grip alternately tense then relaxed as the French flagship dipped and rose on a gentle Mediterranean swell.'

The last one's too long, but that's early days yet ;)

Replies

Hi Melanie,

I'm editing my work now at the moment and feel exactly the same, especially the dumb and tired part.

It's difficult to read through work that you thought was good only to realise it is passable at best. Getting the motivation to re-write and edit is a struggle. The only thing that helps is realising that one day it will be satisfactory and the joy og that moment is its own reward.

I know it will pass this mood. Just as winter does. It just seems to be taking an awfully long time this year is all......

Take care and keep writing.

Profile picture for user pppnl@yahoo.com
Jennifer
Harvey
330 points
Developing your craft
Film, Music, Theatre, TV and Radio
Fiction
Autobiography, Biography and Memoir
Business, Management and Education
Jennifer Harvey
22/03/2013

Thank you Jennifer, for your kind comments re Sheer Genius - they couldn't have come at a better time. Rosie Garland recently wrote on her FB page that all writers have days where they feel dumb, unoriginal, tired and overly serious. She didn't say anything about having months like this!!!! I'm waiting for it to change...

Thanks for the link. I'm going to make time to read your prologue some time tomorrow afternoon/evening, and I'll leave a comment.

Profile picture for user melaniea_22302
Melanie
Amri
310 points
Practical publishing
Film, Music, Theatre, TV and Radio
Poetry
Short stories
Fiction
Autobiography, Biography and Memoir
Comic
Crime, Mystery, Thriller
Speculative Fiction
Adventure
Melanie Amri
21/03/2013

Hi Melanie,

Thanks so much! I really appreciate it.

I read your story "Sheer Genius" over at The Real Story. Very poignant and well written The shoes lined up like miniatuire coffins really struck me.

I actually read it a week ago and it has stayed with me all this time.

It's here if anyone else wants to read it go take a look over at:

http://therealstory.org/2011/10/14/sheer-genius/

My prologue was in answer to Adrian's question about opening chapters. It's here:

http://www.writersandartists.co.uk/question/view/798

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I honestly appreciate it a lot.

Profile picture for user pppnl@yahoo.com
Jennifer
Harvey
330 points
Developing your craft
Film, Music, Theatre, TV and Radio
Fiction
Autobiography, Biography and Memoir
Business, Management and Education
Jennifer Harvey
21/03/2013