First sentences

by Jonathan Hopkins
20th March 2013

Adrian posted a question about first chapters, but what about opening sentences? Anyone brave enough to post theirs for comparison?

Since I'm asking, I'll take the early flak.

From Walls of Jericho - 'Louis-Henri Loison could not die.'

From Leopardkill - '"Another dead 'un over here!"'

From Dog Watch (WIP) - '"It is vital, major, this letter be delivered."'

From Hand of the Baptist (WIP) - 'Staring intently towards Valetta's distant guardian wall, General Napoleon Bonaparte leaned against L'Orient's rail, his grip alternately tense then relaxed as the French flagship dipped and rose on a gentle Mediterranean swell.'

The last one's too long, but that's early days yet ;)

Replies

"I loathed their pity, despised their kind words and reassuring smiles. Their falsified attempts at sympathy were meagre and unsurprisingly petered out before long."

"I forgot what I did. It’s better that way. If I remember, even for a second, the pain will consume me. "

Some of the lines I've started with. :)

I agree with Adrian, the opening sentence holds a lot of significance. It needs to grab the attention of the reader.

Whether or not I've done that remains to be seen. Opening lines, I always find are the most difficult thing to do.

Profile picture for user mer.king_22402
Megan
King
270 points
Developing your craft
Short stories
Fiction
Crime, Mystery, Thriller
Adventure
Autobiography, Biography and Memoir
Middle Grade (Children's)
Picture Books (Children's)
Speculative Fiction
Historical
Gothic and Horror
Romance
Megan King
20/03/2013

David, I have to disagree with,

'I think that the first sentence, the first few words and even the first page are not significant.' (Alarm bells - alarm bells - alarm bells)

The importance of the opening sentence or paragraphs, is to grab the readers attention, on the first page, and at the begininning of each of the following chapters.

The first page is your big chance to impress the Agent, or Publishers'reader, to read subsequent pages of your manuscript.

An experienced Agent or Publishers' reader will decide whether to accept or reject a novel by looking at the first few pages of a manuscript, and if your lucky, the first two or three chapters. The first page or two will determine whether an Agent or Publishers' reader will read on, no matter how good the subsequent pages may be.

Profile picture for user Adrian
Adrian
Sroka
19900 points
Ready to publish
Fiction
Historical
Middle Grade (Children's)
Young Adult (YA)
Adventure
Adrian Sroka
20/03/2013

Jonathan- yes, there are references to death in my novel and I did see it as a theme in your opening sentences as well. I always wondered if it was a morbid first sentence as the theme was about dreams.

David your answer is fantastic. I agree, why obsess about the first sentence when you have at least another 70,000 words to support you? (900,000 words would be my entire lifetime). And the first lines of the books I quoted were great classics, that is why the first sentence is remembered anyway. It takes the pressure off trying not to focus too much on the first sentence

Profile picture for user santwana_24228
Sonya
Kar
270 points
Ready to publish
Film, Music, Theatre, TV and Radio
Poetry
Short stories
Fiction
Business, Management and Education
Crime, Mystery, Thriller
Adventure
Autobiography, Biography and Memoir
Middle Grade (Children's)
Picture Books (Children's)
Comic
Media and Journalism
Speculative Fiction
Popular science, Social science, Medical Science
Practical and Self-Help
Historical
Philosophy and Religion
Romance
Sonya Kar
20/03/2013